Monday, September 5, 2011

First Campaigner Challenge

Here is my entry for the first campaigner challenge from Rach Writes, we had to write a piece of flash fiction no more than 200 words starting with "the door swung open" and for a bit more of a challenge ending with "the door swung shut," and being 200 words exactly:

The door swung open and darkness literally spilled in, as though the shadows outside in the cold, blistering night had taken tangible form and now rushed through the room like tidal wave from the darkest part of the ocean. The wind that accompanied it snuffed out every candle I had lit, and I realized just how pathetic my attempt to keep the darkness at bay had been; this was the type of darkness that could swallow the sun, there was no candle flame that could withstand it. I backed up until I was against the wall, trying not to choke on fear as the shadows slowly snaked up the walls and over the floor, blanketing everything.

Tendrils of dark wound around my feet, burning my flesh, burrowing inside me, and though the pain was severe, I refused to scream. Now the darkness started to recede, and I was dragged out of the house, thinking only that I had done this to myself, so I had no one else to blame. This was what happened when you escaped from hell; they always found you, and they always took you back. I was dragged over the threshold and the door swung shut.


25 comments:

  1. Whew...now this is creepy! Love the way your personify the darkness.

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  2. I really want to know what happened next! You really built the tension up in just 200 words. Great piece :)

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  3. "This was what happened when you escaped from hell; they always found you, and they always took you back."

    Oh, you're such a tease! *grins* That was very compelling. It definitely hooked me. Great job! :)

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  4. I think this is the best one so far. congratulations. I'm #72

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  5. This was so well written. I was taken by surprise by the ending, nicely so. I thought it gave nice closure to the story and made it really work as a flash fiction.

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  6. Jeepers! Quite scary. Well done...although it's not too hard to scare me! Ha! ~ Nadja

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  7. That was artfully done. I felt like the dark tendrils were wrapped around my legs, pulling me into the story.

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  8. Love the imagery in your piece... so dark and creepy. And the ending had just enough closure, though I totally want to read on. :)

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  9. Oooooh, chilling. I liked the way you personified the darkness.

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  10. Wow, amazing description!! Beautiful and dark :)

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  11. BTW: Because you are a new follower, you have been entered in the contest to win a free copy of my MG Fantasy, The Fourth Wish. Check out the rules for increasing your chances on my August 26th post, and good luck. Friday, Sept. 9th is the last day.

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  12. Wow, that was really good...and dark!

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  13. I'm with Nardja, this was real scary..very well written... thankyou.

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  14. I first though the darkness was evil, but he had to do something to deserve hell. Darkness was just doing its job.

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  15. Your piece made me think of the African Spiritual: Shut de door keep out the devil. Shut de door keep the devil in the night.

    So, my questions are: How did you escape from hell? How often did others escape? Aren't the demons doing their job?

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  16. Thanks for all the great comments everyone =)

    Dawn - good questions! I think if I ever decided to expand on the piece I'd definitely have to figure out how he or she escaped and why.

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  17. This. Was. Awesome! I loved it! :D

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  18. That was amazing. I am in awe:)

    http://www.doreenmcgettigan.com

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  19. Love it! This played out like a movie in my mind and I could imagine the terrifying darkness sent from hell to claim it's runaway soul. Nicely done!

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  20. Wow, I really loved this. Especially "they always took you back"! Great imagery. I'm excited to check out your blog! Are you planning on expanding this at all?
    Mine's #262 (http://pensuasion.blogspot.com/)

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  21. Hi, fellow Urban Fantasy group member here.

    "This was what happened when you escaped from hell; they always found you, and they always took you back."

    Fabulous line. ;-)

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  22. Darkness and shadows as a malevolent force, capable of physical harm -- fine idea and imagery.

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