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Affairs of the Dead
Date of Publication: April 19th, 2013
Publisher: Etopia Press
Page Count: 216
Cover Artist: Iris Hunter
Format: Ebook 


I was in a strip club trying to help a ghost get laid, which was challenging, but not impossible. It was just extremely taxing on the necromancer extraordinaire (me) who had to channel energy into the ghost to make her corporeal enough to entice one of the stripper boys. Technically what I was doing was illegal, but it was my job to help ghosts settle their affairs so they could move on to eternally ever after, and Julia’s unfinished business was that she’d died a virgin. I’d made it as easy as I could for her by starting at a strip club; if she couldn’t get some here, I wasn’t sure how much lower I could scrape the barrel.

Julia’s prolonged virginity was an enigma to me, even though she told me that she’d been waiting for her soul mate. I just didn’t understand why that meant she couldn’t hit up a bar, get drunk, and have a fun, regret-filled weekend that included the walk of shame. At least she’d have been in better shape once soul mate came around.

 “What do you think about him?” I asked, pointing to one of the three oiled up men who were gyrating for the benefit of all the screaming women. He had blond hair and green eyes, and wasn’t overly muscular. Julia looked at him then quickly looked away. I took that as a sign of approval.

“I think this was a bad idea,” she stammered.

“This was a fantastic idea,” I said. “And it will work, don’t worry.”

“No, I mean, I don’t think I can do this. I waited my whole life for my soul mate and now you want me to just—” she stole another quick look at the stripper, “I don’t think I can do this with some random…stripper man. It’s so indecent.”

I rolled my eyes. “Julia, you’re a ghost; you no longer have the option of being discerning. And if you don’t wrap up what’s keeping you around, you run the risk of turning into a monster. Then it’s an even bigger pain in the ass to get rid of you. So let’s call our efforts here at Bump and Moan choice A, and murderous monster choice B. Which choice would you like to make?”

“A,” Julia said, but she didn’t sound happy about it. I smiled, and grabbed a couple drinks off the tray of a passing waitress. I set them down in front of Julia.

“Drink,” I said. “This will help.”

“I’m a ghost,” she said. “I thought I was unable to eat or drink.”

“You can feel the effects of the alcohol since you’ll be working off my energy, so drink up. I’ve pegged you as a light weight so I think two drinks will be enough.”

“But how is this supposed to help?” she asked, frowning.

“Because its job is to help,” I said.

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Coming Soon from Etopia Press:

Black Widow Witch (Urban Fantasy)

As far as anniversaries go, the day Malachi Erami was cursed to savagely butcher any man she falls in love with isn’t exactly occasion to celebrate. But that’s what Malachi gets for having a steamy affair with the witch Queen’s favorite lover, Knave. Now living in exile among humans, Malachi runs a bar making magic enhanced drinks, but since her curse labels her as high risk, she's also closely monitored. Julian Vira is her latest babysitter, but he's also the first man since Knave that Malachi feels attracted to. Good looking and non-judgmental of her horrible curse? Yeah, he's hard to resist.

When Malachi finds a massacred body behind her bar, she knows if the Witches Control Council gets wind of it, she’ll be accused of murder and sent to her death. That’s because the Queen forbids killing humans, and executes those who do. Malachi evades the WCC, but when her friends start getting framed for murder, she realizes she’s not the only target. Malachi and Julian investigate, but the closer she becomes to Julian, the more her curse threatens to activate. And when Malachi uncovers the reason for the murder set ups, she'll find herself in a position she never thought she'd end up in. One that could give her everything she wants, of make her lose it all.

1 comment:

  1. Both sound interesting. I especially like the necromancer concept.