Wednesday, October 19, 2011

3rd Campainger Challenge

For our third challenge from Rach Writes, we have to write a blog post, any format, in 300 words or less, showing a man or woman on the beach, bored, with something that stinks behind them, and that at the end something surprising happens. For fun we could try to include all the senses and use the made up words wastopaneer, synbatec, and tacise. Here's my piece, entry 64:

Bitter Paradise

The horizon belched up the morning sun like it was a candy that had suddenly become bitter. As it made its slow ascent to the sky, I envied the monotonous cycle the sun followed; it seemed better than having to figure out where to lay my next footstep, or what shape the words out my mouth should take. I sighed, wishing my head wasn’t full of thoughts of him, and my eyes caught sight of a tacise crab that was doing its sideways dance in front of me, carrying bits of bark and broken shells and leaving them near a coconut tree. Maybe it was building a love nest to seduce a lady crab; I’d heard there was a species of bird, the Wastopaneer, that did that. Maybe the crab was trying to seduce me; it almost seemed like he put an extra swing in his claws when he passed by. Laughter tried to rise at the thought, but it died before ever reaching my lips.

Behind me, I felt like the synbatec poison of an abandoned life was trying to seep into my soul. It was a rotten, putrid thing that I refused to ever face again. What reason did I have to be a functioning part of this world when I was just the smallest, most forgettable part of it?

A wind that didn’t yet know if it wanted to be cool or warm picked up, tickling my bare legs. When I looked down though, it wasn’t the wind that had touched me. The tiny crab had crawled onto my knee and seemed to be staring straight into my eyes as it held up a small, white, perfectly whole seashell that glinted in the sunlight. I stared at it for a long, long time. Then, I smiled.


Reminder: you can win a singed copy of Lia Habel's debut novel, Dearly, Departed, as well as a copy of Across the Universe by Beth Revis by commenting on my blog post here.


23 comments:

  1. Your writing is very creative. I could clearly see the images in the story and everything blended very well. You're getting a vote from me :)

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  2. Love it. Great imagery. I could clearly see everything as if it were a movie! Wonderful entry. Following along :)

    I'm entry #5

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  3. Great use of the words and I loved the ending. Nice foreshadowing too with the crab dancing in front of her. Enjoyed this very much.

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  4. Oh I love the crab. Is that okay? Can I say I love the crab? Great use of the challenge words in here too. Lovely ending.

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  5. I really liked the opening image of the "horizon belching up the morning sun." Haha. Such a sweet vignette! Nice job.

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  6. Your first line is hilarious! And the scene that followed has a very sentimental feel to it. What a curious crab. Love it! Great job! :)

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  7. This is great. I LOVE your first line. I have never heard anything like and have to give you a big cheer for that. I am a new follower and I love this post! Great job. :)

    I'm #58 if you want to check it out! :)

    And cool giveaway!

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  8. I agree with the crowd. I LOVE the first line. I could feel what your MC was feeling. Lovely job :)

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  9. Very nice. I'm there with you. =)

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  10. Makes me wonder if she's going to have to kiss the crab and see him turn into a prince? (I think I really am the cheesiest person ever.) Your descriptions were so effective, and I could see every bit of the scene in front of me!

    A great read!

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  11. Nice use of the words. I can totally see wastopneer as being the name of a bird. Mine is #56

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  12. Great imagery! I agree with Sheri, I thought the crab was really cute :)

    I'm entry #69 :)

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  13. I like the fact that you used a figurative smell rather than the literal smell most of the rest of us used. Great job!

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  14. I like this a lot! The ending is very uplifting.
    Mine is #25.

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  15. Cute! I loved it. The details really sucked me in.

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  16. I am also a fan of your first line but liked the crab too. Nice job :)

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  17. Great entry. Loved the story and the imagery.

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  18. Very nice, indeed. You're in the second round of voting, so good luck.

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