Today is really hot....one of those days where you don't want to move because the slightest movement can cause you to burst into sweat. The heat also seems to dampen my motivation, though to be honest it's been pretty damp lately anyway. My mini boost has worn off; most days I find myself just wondering what to do with myself. It's not like there's a lack of things I can do - draw, write, paint, play video games, read, bake, go out somewhere, sew....it's just that I don't have much desire to do any of those things. I think I've run out of fuel a little; I've spent months working hard and plowing through various creative processes, for the love of it yes, but also in the hopes of reaping a little reward, but so far I am unsatisfied with where I am. Discouragement is only natural, I know, but man do I hate it. With my writing, I feel like I'm playing in a shallow pool of water...only flitting around with things but not getting anywhere deeper. I went for reading books in rapid fire to hardly reading....I did finish City of Fallen Angels and have started Fire, but my reading speed has slowed considerably none the less. New ideas for stories are few and far between...when they come I get excited about them for literally a day...then they fade out. Discouraging.
I'm going through the motions....wondering where I am in my life, how I got here, and where do I go now. I hate feeling like time is just passing me by, but that's sort of how I feel right now. I need a kick, some inspiration, some motivation...something to spark me to continue moving forward with the things I want to achieve. I think the only thing that would really work would be for some Really Good Thing to happen for me right now, then I'd regain myself and be more certain that success is in my reach. I know I am the only one who can make things happen for myself...but for now...I'm just sitting in a shallow pool.