Brenda Drake is hosting a cool blogfest where we have to post the first 250 words of our novel and others have to try to guess our character's age based on the voice. So here's mine:
After a three month leave I was looking forward to going back to work, even though for me that involved dealing with demon politics that made being stuck between a rock and a hard place look like a cozy place to take a nap. When I turned onto the sidewalk from the parking lot though, I had a nice reality check waiting for me in the form of people marching and chanting up and down the sidewalk and street. They were hardly my welcome back committee. I sighed as I headed into the throng of Humans Against Demons protestors, preparing for an uphill battle to make it to my building. It was my fault anyway, for not remembering that the Offices for Demon Control was one of HAD’s favorite places to put on their song and dance.
As I struggled through the crowd, I wondered at the sheer volume of people that were here; there seemed to be three times more protestors than usual, which meant the stench of BO was three times worse. It was like these people weighed the time it’d take to shower against the ten minutes of protesting they’d lose, and showering always lost. Suddenly, my attention was caught by the celebratory shouts coming from a group of people clustered in the middle of the street. Wary, I hauled myself onto the roof of a parked car to have a look. When I saw what they were gathered around, I pulled my gun out and fired a few shots into the air.
Wasn't sure till I got to the part about pulling out a gun. I'll go with early to mid-20s based on that. Sounds interesting!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go with mid 30s. The MC already has that down trodden sick of work feel to them.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is a man or woman yet so it's hard to put a face or form to the actions.
Because of going "back to work" (and I'm wondering what the 3 month leave was for and very interested to find out) I figured mid-twenties, maybe older, simply because of her cynical additude. Then, when she pulled out the gun, that clinched it.
ReplyDeleteI definately want to know what HAD is, what the people are clustered around what her job is -- I'd keep reading.
I'd guess late Twenties/ early Thirties. You certainly ended your 250 words on a great note.
ReplyDeleteMaybe 32? It's hard to tell once someone is a grown up but this person sounds like they have an important job, so they're clearly no kid.
ReplyDeleteSounds about mid-thirties to me, from the leave and the world-weary attitude.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go with 27. And I wanna know if the mc is a cop or just someone with a conceal to carry permit, lol.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with late twenties, early thirties. Definitely sounds like someone with a purpose.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing thirties, or late twenties, like 28 or 29.
ReplyDelete"a hard place look like a cozy place to take a nap." -- The repetition of 'place' is distracting.
Overall, I had a hard time picturing myself there. All the details and information feels like it's told to me, rather than shown. Some imagery or more present sensory details would probably help. Also, there seems to be a lack of urgency—I don't feel the pull to keep reading as much as I'd like to. Good luck with this! =)
My guess is late twenties. He's definitely an adult, but not fresh on the force or whatever. I like your premise and how you create tension right away. Your first couple sentences are a bit unwieldy, though. Maybe shorten them a bit for clarity. This has serious potential to be a fascinating read.
ReplyDeleteUntil Charity said it, I didn't realize I didn't know his/her gender. I was picturing a woman, somewhere between 25-35.
ReplyDeleteI love the set-up, but I have a few suggestions. For the beginning line, how about "Demon politics make being stuck between a rock and a hard place look like a cozy place to take a nap. Still, after three months away, it felt good to be back." Or something like that. I love the rock-and-a-hard-place line and think it's tons more interesting than the "ho-hum-back-to-work" line. :) Lead with your strength.
This line seems strange: "It was my fault anyway, for not remembering that the Offices for Demon Control was one of HAD’s favorite places to put on their song and dance." S/he didn't remember? Or had the nastiness of the memory just faded with time? If it had been such a normal part of his/her work life, I doubt s/he'd completely forget.
What makes him/her decide that whatever is going on in the crowd demands climbing on top of a car? A tight-knit group of protesters doesn't seem odd enough to spark that sort of reaction. Did their celebratory shouts remind him/her of bad things? What made him/her wary? Give me just a bit more. :)
Loving the tension, and I really want to see what those people are doing!
I'm going for right about 30. You bring up a lot of fun points here, and I'd love to find out what she's firing for :)
ReplyDeleteI'll say 30. For me anyway, 3 month leave means pregnancy. I thought the line about showers was funny.
ReplyDeleteI'd guess 30?? Such an interesting start :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go older than everyone else and say around 40.
ReplyDeleteThe three month leave could have been a suspension and if he's reckless enough to pull a gun in a crowd I'm not going to be suprised. (unless I'm wrong and then I will be)
I'm guessing around 36. Older, aware, confident.
ReplyDeleteNice. I like her. I'd say late 20's.
ReplyDeleteInteresting! I'm going to guess 26.
ReplyDeleteI'm following you;) Hope you can drop by my blog.
late 20's to early 30's
ReplyDeleteI'd say...25.
ReplyDeleteI am going to guess 30s.
ReplyDelete